I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
