Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
