part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We're too hungover to prance.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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