Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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