he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
