Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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