I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
