Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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