I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
