we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
