You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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