you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
