He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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