So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
