Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
