I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
