and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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