I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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