I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
