Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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