just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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