Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
