I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
