it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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