Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
