I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
