I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
