what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
