If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
