My first STD was from a foam party
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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