So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
