i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
