Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
