you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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