You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
