Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
