I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
