just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
