i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
