why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
