So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize