The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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