You work out of a Hotel?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
