This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize