Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
