my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
