I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
