i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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