I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
