I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
