she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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