I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize