i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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