Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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