Where is the hickey?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
