using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
