I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
