DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
