I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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