you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
