Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
