what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
