i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
