Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
People in love make me want to vomit
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
