this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no, he came in my armpit
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
