you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
