Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
