The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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