I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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