Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
