Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
