You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can you bring me the toilet please
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
