I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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