remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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